Smiles and Sunshine

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Please Welcome Back To The Show...

So, with the temporary closure of Under New Management, I've take to this shiny new blog. Aptly, named...don't you think. Well, it's been a difficult week to say the least. My world is a tiny bit smaller than it was no more than a week ago...but, I think...I think I'm ok. And while, the foundations of my world were definitely shaken...I'm still standing. That's gotta count for something, right? And despite how bad things could or in fact should be, I'm in a pretty good place right now. Sure, I'm not saying that it doesn't suck to be me right now. The heart wants what it wants...there's no changing that right now. But, it will mend. For now, I will continue to soldier on. It's difficult to start writing again...especially after I had lost my words. There was so much that I wanted to say, but I just could make sense of it all. I just couldn't find the right words to say what I needed to. I'm not usually an emotional person...I like to play things pretty close to the chest. The epitome of the inscrutable Asian...a terracota soldier, if you will.

But, this past week was incredibly difficult. Love is a strange thing...there's really no way to describe it...but, indulge me while I try. I think love isn't one specific feeling so much as a combination of different feelings. And human emotions what they are, I think every single person experiences love in a different way...that is to say, the combinations of feelings differ from person to person. I'm sure that there are certain constants that are felt by all people...but, the degree to which each individual feels them is probably quite different and thus making the experience of love unique to each person. Well folks, I'm happy to say that I understand what true love really is. I can't explain the exact nature of the feeling to you...it just is what it is. It's the old cliche of "you'll know love when you find it". I've found it. I just know.

Unfortunately, me and my true love are not to be...at least...not right now. Like I said, the heart wants what it wants. But, I am content in the knowledge that as long as she is happy...then I cannot be anything less than happy for her. And while, I know that she loves me...I am content to "just be friends". We have this eternal bond...like when to old souls reunite after being separated for too long. Our friendship is eternal. But, what she needs right now is to focus on her life and reestablish order to her world. And that doesn't mean that I won't be their for her...in fact, quite the opposite. What she needs now more than ever is my friendship. And I think she's finally started to understand that much like my love for her, my friendship with her is unconditional. What does that mean? To me, that means that her friendship with me is enough. She doesn't owe me anything. Their are no strings attached. We stop being friends, when she dissolves the friendship. But, until then, I will always be her friend. Always. When she needs me, I will be there for her. And even when she doesn't need me, I'm still there. You just can't get rid of me...like white on rice folks.

I'd like to say that right now, everything is smiles and sunshine...but it's not. I just can't lie to you junior detectives. You're just so damn cute. Anyways, it's good to be back...sort of. And don't worry folks, Timmy is just fine. A little tired, but just fine. So, what did we learn today: right now...sucks to be me, I'm still standing, love...is, real friendships are eternal, Timmy is tired. Well, I don't want to over do it. So, I'll let you think about all of that. Don't worry...no quiz. But, it will be on the final exam...so, make sure that you review it later. Ok. My powers aren't needed elsewheres right now...but, I'm kinda tired, so I'm gonna stop momentarily. Good night. I'm sure we'll meet again soon. Stay frosty. Later.

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