Smiles and Sunshine

Sunday, October 17, 2004

At The End Of The Day…

I’ve always believed, that no matter what happens in life, at the end of the day, if you can look in the mirror and can honestly say that you like the person who’s staring back at you, that’s all that really matters…that’s all that’s really important. So, what do you do when that axiom doesn’t hold true…what happens when you no longer like the person in the mirror…what do you do when you no longer know the person staring back at you? I wish I had the answers to these questions.

My life was defined by things that no longer have any meaning…things that no longer exist. It should be obvious to all of you that things around here are no longer smiles and sunshine. It seems as though, there is very little in this world that I understand anymore…there is very little that makes any sense to me. I have spent twenty-six years on this majestic blue marble…twenty-six years…and I’d trade it all…just to end this pain. I’m dying inside…I just…I just want the pain to go away. I feel dead to the world…and I’m beginning to think that I’d be better off if I were…I was doing so well…honest.

Smiles and Sunshine will be going away for a while…I feel really stupid trying to tell the world how it should be…when clearly my world is not as it should be. We live in a world of equal parts beauty and chaos…and at the end of the day…I’ve lost sight of all of its beauty. Goodbye.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Tuesday's Gone...

So, I am waiting patiently for my head to cave in. Maybe then the voices will stop...maybe then the pain will go away. I had a conversation with her yesterday. And if my continued skull splitting migraine is any indication, it didn't go all that well. But, enough about me. How are you?

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Ahhh...FFF...Forge On A Horse...That hurt!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

WTF!?

I acquired some new "old" things over the weekend. I now...have sofa. Also, I now have coffee table. I'd like to thank my sister-in-law and my brother for their incredible generosity. Appreciated muchly. Although, in the long run, I'm helping them out...seeing as they had just bought a new sofa and had no room for the old one. So, it's all good.

Spent much of Saturday (16hrs) and part of Sunday, playing X-Men: Legends. I love that game. We've currently employed, the powerhouse team of Wolverine, Iceman (Hi Bobby!), Colossus and Cyclops. Wooo! For those of you who don't currently own the game, I encourage you to go out and buy a Gamecube or PS2 and even an Xbox, just so that you can play this game.

Met up with WR, RM, and a friend of theirs at Marcello's Sunday for dinner. Loads of fun. Found out that WR is going to China next week. Very cool. I might be meeting up with him for a stint during his Asian trek...haven't decided yet. Might be nice to get away for awhile...

Yup, you guessed it. Still sinking. But, in my defense, I lost the love of my life and my best friend all in one fell swoop. So, maybe you could cut my a little slack. That's all I'm asking. Seriously though...thanks to those of my friends who have been there for me. I've tried to take all of your advice to heart...and while the success rate at which that has actually been achieved is most likely questionable, I thank you all the same. Case in point. Today, she needed me to do a favour for her...one of the many that I've done for her. It's not like I've kept track or anything like that, and it's not like I expect anything in return...it's just a matter of fact. Anyways, like an idiot, I said yes and was, as always, more than happy to help. Why? You ask? I'm not sure...I think it's that chivalry malfunction that I have. Or maybe it's what were all thinkning...maybe if I do this favour for her, she'll love me again or something to that effect...I know that I should say no from time to time...I know that to some degree, I should be angry with her...there are a lot of things that I should do...I just can't seem to bring myself to do them. And now I've just agreed to have lunch with her...yeah, I know...

Yesterday was filled with, you guessed it: playing X-Men: Legends with KN yet again. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again. This game is sweet. I don't know how else to describe it, except to say: "Bye Bobby!". I'd like to thank KN's wife for enduring us during our video gaming. She's suffering from a virus at present. She's been a real trooper. Plus, it gives her a chance to read through my collection of Ultimate X-Men. Probably some of the best comics I've had the pleasure of reading in quite some time. Too bad the fourth hardcover volume doesn't come out till March 2005. That's ass. In any event, like I said, the game: sweet. Also, it's one of the few distractions I have these days...that doesn't remind me that I'm alive...and how much I wish I weren't. Stay frosty.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Canned Eggs

Friday, October 01, 2004

Inferiority Complex

Well...I made it through the week, junior detectives. Just barely. And I was doing so well...meh.

In any event, donating blood yesterday, seemed to cheer me up. Maybe it's that instant karma or perhaps the sugary drink that did it...but, I felt marginally better.

I went and saw DC afterwards. I saw that fancy video project that he'd been bragging about over there on Wellipsis. Pretty cool stuff.

Anyways, today should be good though...I get to buy some comics. Wooo! Stay frosty.